Money may not make you happy, but I prefer to be unhappy behind the wheel of a twelve-cylinder engine. But that will be difficult - as the first trip in the brand new battleship of Munich shows. Twelve-cylinder and maximum will to perform, paired in matt lacquer and with all-wheel drive, probably the most effective anti-depressant for bankers with acute misfortune due to insufficient account coverage.

Driving Report: BMW M760 Li xDrive

Anti-depressant for top performers

It didn't turn out to be a real M. But an M-Performance version. The little alibi for everyone who can't, don't want or have to buy “happiness hormones in tin cans”. Anyone who opts for the athlete in tails should have their life under control anyway. For everyone else there is now the M-Performance variant of the sevens. If you don't feel any happiness hormones, you should rather check your pulse for activity. For my-auto-blog I was allowed to drive the indecent mix of luxury and performance mixed with a dash of vulgar “show-off genes” in the USA a few days ago. And makes money happy now?

[=” ” ]Quick info: Checkmate in the top performance class. The Munich combination decides for "once everything, please" and thus puts Stuttgart and Ingolstadt in checkmate.

At eye level and above

It is a struggle for Otto normal car buyers and Ludwig den Leasing customers in the classic company car segment, does not seem understandable. BMW with the fresh and most recent offer is dueling with the S-Class and the Audi A8, which is slowly appearing ripe for retirement. Here, too, the motorization once again makes the small but fine difference. As the M760Li xDrive under the M-Performance label, you no longer play in the diesel leasing class, but instead take your place in the royal discipline. Five stars de luxe, with adrenaline. Performance levels that make you happy, apart from the standard compulsory long distance and diesel torque. Here the royal families mate with the money nobility. The competitor for the “Not M7”? Modest as you are in Munich: Preferably the Mercedes-AMG S63, not the S65 at all. Because it is way too “top-heavy”. The boys from Bavaria want to be more dynamic. Sportier, just the top performer in tails - in hormone therapy for lasting feelings of happiness. Will it succeed?

12 cylinders for the race track

Does the - at least - 2.18 tons belong on the racetrack? Of course not. Unless you're taking part in a truck grand prix. I am sure. A seven-series BMW finds its way to the race track as safely as the board of directors of Deutsche Bank finds its way to the S-Bahn station. There are things that don't belong together. They just don't fit.

Error. If you have enough power, then you can also in the sevens on the racetrack. I tried it. West of Palm Springs has become one crazed wealthy businessman putting a racetrack in the countryside. A wide track, wide and fast turns alternate with tight corners. No land for 2.2 tons of leather, matte paint and air-conditioned seats? But. Especially the ventilated seats work wonders. Because even if it makes the technology intelligence of the BMW lightweight and sweetens the power of the Turbo-V12, race track is always work. Thanks to the seat ventilation, the body's own body climate stays in balance during the jigsaw rounds. Like the 2.2 Tonner.

An active chassis with active stabilizers, all-wheel steering with a steering angle of up to 3 ° on the rear axle. Air suspension and a DSC system in “traction mode” fight against the laws of physics. Michelin Performance tires choke the asphalt with the maximum amount of friction. The drama of the V12, which should never be underestimated, dominates the impression on the racetrack. 6.6 liter displacement - 610 hp - 800 Nm torque. And suddenly you wonder why you actually have to wear a fireproof suit at Le Mans? Air-conditioned seats and multi-zone air conditioning are much more pleasant. And you will hardly be there any faster. The V12 dramatically tears the speed hurdles as it heaves the “fat one” over the bitumen sheet. The all-wheel drive helps in the tight corners to be able to hang on the gas early, despite the clear rear-emphasized design, the fat sedan prevents any dramatic tail swing, there should only be smoke signals from cigar smokers from the rear.

M760 Li xDrive - it can do it differently

Three fast laps demonstrate the durability of the braking system. Fatigue the driver in the fight with the elements, faster than the twelve-cylinder and demand the exit into the pit lane. Driving dynamics switch to “Comfort”, DSC to normal mode, the tie plucked right - the parting combed - when I drive the seventh from the racetrack towards the highway, it pretends nothing has happened. Just as if you had just coked up in the corporate toilet, you are now sitting in the business meeting again and throwing the last Powerpoint presentations on the expansion of sales figures in the Middle East around your ears. Was there something?

Quite the seducer. The glider. Performance gives sovereignty. 800 Nm from 1.500 revolutions? Together with ZF's eight-speed automatic transmission, you can glide along the 65 Meilen-Limit in an unruffled and relaxed manner.

Once with everything, please

No matter whether laser light or the maximum number of cylinders. Everything is possible in the new flagship. The matt paint (frozen brown metallic) and the coarse 20-inch model give the M760 Li, together with the eye-catching make-up elements of the aerodynamic package, a slightly ordinary look. As if you really wanted to make the sweatpants for a jacket socially acceptable at BOSS. You can also deselect that. If you feel too old for the M show program, you get the same values ​​in the executive version - then with a little more chrome and yet less showmanship.

Four-wheel drive and all-wheel steering are always on board and also increase performance in the Executive version. The option of 305 km / h top speed and grumpy engine sound is only available to those who choose the Garching M-Performance variant. Chrome jewelry and whispering acoustics in the Executive version give the 610 PS V12 a completely different look. Both have in common the long wheelbase of the “Li” and thus the abundance of space and ambience in the second row.

For whom the new BMW M760 Li xDrive is the right choice:

If you have already been able to buy everything with money, but are still looking for happiness - give it a try.

What else needs to be mentioned

It may be that money does not make you happy, but hey, I'd rather be unhappy at the wheel of a V12 than behind the wheel of a Prius. And the show that delivers one of the M760 Li enchanted. At least for the time behind the wheel takes over for anyone who has a little gasoline in the blood, the happiness hormone in the body, the regency. A lunatic balancing act of luxury and performance, adrenaline, tracksuit and successful deal.

Incidentally, if you forget the aircraft engines from WWII, the M760 Li is the most powerful that the Bavarians have ever built in series. 

And finally ...

From € 166.900. Is that enough to get back to the bottom of the facts? 166.900 € - I don't know about you - you buy your own hut for this. But hey, I'm not a bank director, nor do I have a tracksuit.

DATA BMW M760 Li xDrive M Performance

Price: from € 166.900
Drive petrol engine: Twelve-cylinder petrol engine • Displacement: 6592 ccm • Power: 448 kW (610 PS) at 5500 to 6500 rpm • max. Torque: 800 Nm at 1550 to 5000 rpm
dimensions: 4 seats, L / W / H 5240, 1920, 1480 mm, weight 2255 kg, case no. 515 l,
Performance: Acceleration: 0-100 km / h in 3,7 s • Topspeed: 250 km / h (optional 305 km / h) • Consumption: 12,8 l / 100 km